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Lincoln's Hat

by Horchata Network

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1.
I had a dream that I was dreaming About zombies that you and I were fighting And it was so exciting to see you so alive. One by one we defeated them Not one was left standing You were so commanding And I told you that I'd never seen you like this before, Except for when you played the drums on a fast song like Dancing King.
2.
Not So Big 03:06
Everyone thinks that you're so tall But you're just one thousand four hundred and fifty feet high That's just about a quarter of a mile, just the length of three city blocks if you fell down. Horizontal-Vertical Illusion You're not so big, you're not so big. It would take nine of you to reach the Titanic Twenty five of you to reach Challenger Deep Twenty three thousand of you to reach outer space Eight hundred sixty nine thousand to reach the moon. Horizontal-Vertical Illusion You're not so big, you're not so big. You're just taller than I am. Watching TV on an old CRT Those big and heavy square looking old school TVs But they're not really square, they're really four by three, They're wider than they're tall, please just trust me. Horizontal-Vertical Illusion All of the Star Wars movies that you've seen Are 2.35 times as wide as they're tall We evolved to process the horizon line Because there weren't predator or prey up in the air. Take Lincoln's Hat, set it down, Is the hat taller than the width of the brim? You'd think that it is, that it's taller than wide, But the height and width are both exactly the same. Horizontal-Vertical Illusion But now let's say he bought a hat that was taller But they kept on using the exact same brim. The cloth in the hat would have to shrink and stretch because psychology states that they would still be the same. Horizontal-Vertical Illusion You're not so big, you're not so big. Because you are just a hat.
3.
Kicked out of Scotland with no place left to go Kicked out of Scotland, where we'll end up we don't know. England won't have us, Spain says you're not welcome here and France remembers what we did in the Pyrenees last year. Kicked out of Scotland with nowhere else to turn Kicked out of Scotland with no bridge left to burn We're banned from every city from Kilkenny to Bombay I guess it's back to the good old USA. Kicked out of Scotland, what a sorry lot we are Kicked out of Scotland, nothing left but this sitar. We've left a trail of trouble from Prague to Saint Tropez It's no wonder we have nowhere left to stay I guess it's back to the good old USA.
4.
Newton floating upside down discovers inverse square But not the Newton that you know, cause this one's in the air. Instead of watching apples fall from trees in Lincolnshire, He's throwing fruit at people from a Cambridge chapel spire. As you see, I've mastered levitation And it's not a silly affectation I have found I'm acting more impulsive Now that I find everything repulsive with respect to myself. As you see, I've mastered levitation Though I won't be founding aviation I have found I'm acting more impulsive Now that I find everything repulsive with respect to myself, Lots of respect. I'll write a book where the point I'm trying to make Is that I despise everyone, Everything, everybody that is taking up mass and my space. I will make it so hard for you all to read That you'll be forced to see you're second rate. If you didn't realize, this alternate dimension Is like opposite gravitational surface tension For everywhere that's dipping our space time continuum On the other side is inverse equilibrium. As you see, I've mastered levitation I'm disproving all this gravitation I have found I'm acting more impulsive Now that I find everything repulsive with respect to myself. As you see, I've mastered levitation To avoid my mandatory ordination I have found I'm acting more impulsive Now that I find everything repulsive with respect to myself, All your respect. Actions performed opposite and equal yours, We are the cause, you're the effect, of course We're both the cause and effect, affecting cause we don't like anyone. We are stuck in a world that's filled with love and closeness Couldn't we just try to hate some more? And all this gold with hardly any light I think I'll try to brighten up tonight. So if by chance I give up doing things Just please know that the sunlight torched my wings. What a lonely, lonely world.
5.
Alpha is the first thing that you'll learn in class and Bravo means congrats when I raise my glass Charlie is the enemy if he ain't your buddy Delta's a triangle that means change you can study Echo is the bounce of a sound that won't end Foxtrot is a dance or comic by Bill Amend Golf is like croquet but with some holes dug in the dirt Hotels pay pianists who can't get a concert India's a country but it's also an ink Juliet mistook a facial tic for a wink Kilo just means thousand and it's often a weight Lima's in Peru but also a bean that I ate Mike is short for Michael and also for microphone November is a month when Daylight Savings is a loan Oscar is a grouch or worthless film award Papa means the Pope or tater on your cutting board Quebec wants to secede from the rest of their homeland Romeo just should have started up an emo band Sierra made some games of kings and space in a quest Tango is a dance that could be in a contest Uniform means all the same, not clothing drab and boring Victor is atop his desk and currently is snoring Whiskey is a stronger drink made of fermented grain X-Ray can determine if you have a break or sprain Yankee means American in reference to our past Zulu are from Africa in cultural contrast Now you know the words that cannot be misunderstood Except that Mango, Risky, Like, and Sulu aren't good. NATO Phonetic Alphabet
6.
Big fish eats a little fish and then the bigger fish comes and eats the big fish. An even bigger one comes along and eats the fish that ate the fish that ate the fish that came before. It's the food chain, can't you tell? It's the food chain, baby. Might as well just face it. You can't erase it. It's the food chain. Who is at the bottom, going all the way down? Who doesn't need to eat anything? Nom nom nom nom. It's the food chain, can't you tell? It's the food chain, baby. Might as well just face it. You can't erase it. It's the food chain. The bottom of the food chain is at the bottom of the ocean. Let me see you grovel in the deep, Have to fight to have a meal, then get eaten in your sleep. I don't need to point a finger but I need to point it out that for you to stay alive food is what it's all about. And you don't need to stuff it in but you need to eat again and if it doesn't feel zen you won't find a way to win. If it doesn't work for you then well here's what you do: Learn to synthesize organic compounds from the chemicals around you, from the minerals around you. Who went hungry, just to make more friends? We have forgotten all of them. The food chain, yeah.
7.
How happy is a clam, and how would we know it? Does a clam have emotions, and if so, how would he show it? What does he have to be happy about? Is it a temporary state in which he moves in and out? Or is it a peace from within That no force can shake? No inner turmoil that keeps him awake Deep in the night, when the ocean is still, No chasm inside he could never fill. If so, in many ways, I envy you, clam But I'm also OK with the way that I am, The way that I am.
8.
This song I wrote has one hundred twenty notes And four hundred nineteen letters. If you threw one out, I'd start to shout, Cause you know that it won't be the same. Please hold your doubt when counting the notes So that you won't really know when I messed up Because everything that I have said inside this song is false With the large exception of the chorus of This song I wrote has one hundred twenty notes And four hundred nineteen letters. If you take one out, I'm going to shout, Cause you'll know that you messed up my song.
9.
Thomas Dolby is the craziest man alive, Thomas Dolby is the craziest man alive. Walked right up to a rattlesnake and said "I don't like the noise you make" Thomas Dolby is the craziest man alive. Thomas Dolby is the strongest man in town, Thomas Dolby is the strongest man in town, Picked up a car that was double parked, threw it into the sun, and now it's glow-in-the-dark. Thomas Dolby is the strongest man in town. Thomas Dolby is the mightiest man around, Thomas Dolby is the mightiest man around. When the service was slow at the coffeeshop He split the place in half with a karate chop. Thomas Dolby is the mightest man around. Oh, Thomas Dolby.
10.
PROGRAMMER (Middle): Oh, everything was working fine, Perfect without error And now there's something not quite right Because my screen is turning blue in the face. Death, suffocation from a number that was not what it should have been. Oh, what went wrong within the code? Tell me it's a fluke. OK, now here it is again. OK, let's isolate the problem at hand, debug everything until we fix it so that I can go to sleep. Oh, look at this here, seems I forgot a semicolon at the end of this line maybe that, was Why, everything, was- nevermind it auto-corrected it. Why does it keep crashing when it tries to send data from these strings because I checked them once before and they were fine OK, these look fine. So do these. No tombstones here. Locks and keys. Dangling pointers shouldn't go, oh wait, it's this character below. It seems this zero was supposed to be a letter O. COMPUTER (Left): Ooh, execute the working build 93. Memory addressing fault in the RAM that you gave to me to use. Blue screen of death to recreate it again. Were you mixing heap and stack? That is bad. Now you made a mess of this. Why would you check the header file? It's fine. You know a carriage return works too. Now you are looking in the right place for bugs. Well, let's debug and go through the code and go step by step to know what these values are. Are you even there? Now I'm here all by myself. It was not a letter O. BITS (Right): ODBC, we're here. You're not alone. But I am, I'm here, and they're gone, the address isn't here. I'm alone. Oh API, loving through Unicode. But don't fret, I won't judge you now. It's not your fault that you're popular. Oh all these rules and such It's oh so frivolous for you and me, dear. Parsing puts the syntax through an analysis so I can say "Hello World!" ASCII characters could ask me anything or let me know when overriding functions got them down I can tell you all the secrets that someone has ever wrote, but I won't. In interrogation I would say 1 or O. ERROR MESSAGE (Middle): 416E2065 72726F72 20686173 20617269 73656E20 4D72 2E204261 63682E20 20497420 61707065 61727320 74686174 2061 20636F6D 706C6574 65206861 636B2068 61732063 72656174 65642061 206D6F63 6B657279 206F6620 796F7572 2077 6F726B2EO
11.
What do you mean you've never heard of Debbie Gibson? Have you no sense of history? If someone tells you she was just another throwaway singer from the 80s, I would strongly disagree. At a very young age she wrote her own songs And even knew how to run a mixing board. She wasn't just a pretty face, she was genuinely talented. She shouldn't be forgotten or simply ignored. You don't have to like the art, but respect the artist and the legacy. No, your past and your present and your future will remain but a mystery. Debbie Gibson. Don't care what the critics think. Debbie Gibson. She's the missing link. Debbie Gibson. Don't it make you think? You're a waste of a human being if you think Pop super stardom started with Britney Spears. I don't want to hear about it. This isn't the sort of thing you argue about over a couple of beers. There are people with talent, then there are people who are famous That don't deserve it any more than my uncle Ted, Who happens to be a pretty darn good Boggle player, But I digress from what I just said. Debbie Gibson. Debbie Gibson. Don't care what the critics think. Debbie Gibson. She's the missing link. Debbie Gibson. Don't it make you think?
12.
The Ladies In The Red Hats stole my recipe For double smoked thuringer and sauerkraut I will find their secret hideaway Right then and there we will have it out. The Ladies In The Red Hats took my booth At the annual arts and crafts bazaar I've had that spot for the last ten years It's the best location you can have by far. I know they number in the tens of thousands And I am just one man But if they think that I'm taking this lying down They'll just have to understand I'll never back down from a fight when I know that I'm right And I usually am. I never give in if I think I can win And I always think I can. He always thinks he can. The Ladies In The Red Hats drove their '99 Cadillac Escalade across my lawn. They left behind a purple boa So I know it was them even though they had gone. Don't know what I did to ignite this ugly war, But I'm tired of getting pushed around. I won't take it any more. I'll never back down from a fight when I know that I'm right and I usually am. I never give in if I think I can win and I always think I can. He always thinks he can. I know where they go for Sunday brunch, It's a cozy little diner on the edge of town. They have their routines, they're fairly predictable, It won't be hard to hunt them down.
13.
What's he disassembling in there? I know it must be something he tried to make... Something he tried to weld... Something he tried to bake... The neighbors all think it was a bookcase But I swear he's not an avid reader. I swear. What's he disassembling in there? It sounds like things being torn apart, Like limbs of small animals, or maybe just duct tape. And what's that tune he's always whistling? What's he disassembling in there? His wife lives in Joliet, I think. Or some other place kinda down south. I hear him making grunting sounds with his mouth. I think he has some children. They're grown by now. And why wouldn't he give this thing to them anyhow? Or try to sell it in a garage sale? But if he doesn't report that on his state taxes, he'll go to jail. What's he disassembling in there?
14.
Single File 01:45
Single file. Can we all fit single file? Can we fit into a single file living in the shade? Tell me, did you see it coming to this? We're degraded to this. I always thought there'd be so much more. APP zero Marker - 2 bytes 0xFFE0 Length, 2 bytes Length of segment excluding APP0 Marker Identifier, 5 bytes 0x4A46494600 Version - 2 bytes First byte is major version, second byte is minor version Density Units - 1 byte 0, aspect ratio only 1, pixels per inch 2, pixels per centimeter
15.
I was the king of poker night until that day When he arrived in town; took my crown away. Sat at the table, and within the nick of time, Won every hand, cleaned me out of my last dime. I keep waiting for the day when Ben folds. I know he never will. I thought I had a good hand; his was better still. I'm waiting for the day Ben folds, it's impossible it seems. But it would be the best day of my life even if it's in my dreams- when Ben folds. He could have a royal flush or just a pair of queens. He has no tell, he's half man and half machine. Don't know why we keep inviting him to play with us. All I know is now I have no car, I ride the bus. But I keep waiting for the day when Ben folds. And I know he never will. I thought I had a good hand; his was better still. I'm waiting for the day Ben folds, it's impossible it seems. But it would be the best day of my life even if it's in my dreams- when Ben folds. I keep thinking some day I'll be back on top again. Hoping against hope- That's the best that's ever been folds. Ben folds. I know he never will. Thought I had a good hand; his was better still. I'm waiting for the day ben folds, it's impossible it seems. But it would be the best day of my life even if it's in my dreams- when Ben folds.

credits

released March 1, 2018

Performed by Brian Fife, Brian Peters, and Sam Swanson

Written by:
Fife (Music/Lyrics) (1,3,7,9,12,15)
Peters (Music/Lyrics) (4,5,8,10,13,14)
Swanson (Music) / Peters (Music/Lyrics) (2)
Swanson (Music) / Fife (Music/Lyrics) / Peters (Music/Lyrics) (6)
Peters (Music) / Fife (Lyrics) (11)

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Horchata Network Chicago, Illinois

Horchata Network is the collaboration between Brian Fife, Brian Peters, and Sam Swanson.

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